Savior
by Delena life
Summary: Haley has an eating disorder she refuses to admit her obsession for perfection. Then she meets Nathan Scott. Will he be able to save her? "I've been feeling everything. From hate to love- From love to lust-From lust to truth, I guess that's how I know you." -Ed Sheeran
1. Chapter 1

**So, hum, I'm going to start writing something kinda more personal.**

**So, this is about beating an eating disorder, and before you say that I don't even know what I am talking about, I kinda have been through this.**

**Please don't judge I don't really need it.**

**No one knows who I am in this so I don't have to really worry about it. No one knows and I need to 'tell' someone. Review, follow or favourite if you think my story is worth it.**

**I'm not trying to be hypocrite but if you are being a victim of this, please GET HELP. This isn't funny at all.**

**This is writen on Haley's POV.**

**Imperfection**

Is this about being brave? I don't think so.

The thing is: everytime I look at the mirror I see someone I hate. Haley James.

I'm the youngest of the seven, the mistake born in the family. My parents are kind of crazy and they never cared much about me.

I need to be perfect.

I need to be like the other beautiful girls in high school. I need to be popular. I want more friends, not counting on Lucas Scott.

I cannot be myself because myself isn't enough. Not to them. Not to me.

Today in high school it was all normal- good grades, surviving, lying to Luke saying I ate my lunch. He doesn't suspect a thing.

He's been having problems with Nathan, his half-brother. Nathan is _everything _I hate: he's arrogant, stupid, player. And he won't leave Lucas alone. And no one hurts my only maybe-friend.

I walk through the hall and look and Nathan. I'm in front of him in a second.

" Will you stop?" I snap, angrilly. He just laughs and rolls his cold blue eyes. He almost looks... broken.

" What are _you _talking about?" He asks.

" Lucas. Stop messing with him. Just fucking STOP." I'm not feeling good today. I'm confronting Nathan Scott. He is _very_ popular. He'll make me feel even worse.

" Look, I don't have time for this. So... how about you getting out of my way?" He asks, smirking, sarcasm filling his voice. I try to push him away but I'm so weak he will not move.

" I don't care who you are, you could be Michael Jordan, or whatever, but you are not going to mess with _my _friends." I know I'm putting myself in something I shouldn't. This isn't good for perfection.

I receive a call in that moment and hit the red button on my phone when I see it is my father. I can't do _that _right now.

I see the fries on the machine in the school. I really need to eat, I'm starving.

" Excuse me." I say to the basketball players. Nathan shrugs and passes through me and his slaves follow him right behind.

I pay for the food and open it, sitting on a bench on the school. I start eating. I can't stop. My mind is telling me I'll stop eating after the next fry.

_Stop you stupid little fattie. They won't love you if you continue._

_Just one more. I'll stop at the next._

When I realize, the package is over. Tears are up on my eyes. I'm so weak. I ran to the lady's bathroom and knee in the front of the toilet and purge it all. After it, I feel disgusted by what I did. Gosh, this is awful. I'm so awful. My body sucks. My personality sucks.

I can't do this.

I'll never be able to do this. I'll never be able to _beat _this. This took over my life. I'm crying openly now. I curled into a ball on the floor, swinging back and front.

I'm so alone. Can't anyone love me?

Someone opens the door of the entrance and I stay there. Someone knocks.

" Hum, who is there?" It's no one less than Nathan Scott, the perfection. He wouldn't understand. And what the hell is he doing in this bathroom? There was no way in hell... .God, I'm in the wrong bathroom. " Look, if you don't open it, I'll break it."

I don't believe him. He won't do it. Relax Haley.

When I know he's inside of the cubicle. I immidiately pull the toilet and he raises his brow to me.

" What are you doing?" He asks.

I try to get up, but I'm too weak. He lowers himself so he's by my side. I rest my head against the cold wall and can't control myself anymore. I start sobbing. He looks at me. The good thing is that he isn't staring in the bad kind of way. Not with pity, neither.

I cover my face with my arms and hands so he won't see me cry. My life is ruined. I'll be judged and hated forever. I'll never be perfect anymore. Not if he tells anyone.

He moves closer and hugs me. It's odd, because I feel safe with one person I shouldn't feel safe with. I say it doesn't matter and put myself comfortable on his grasp. My head rests on his chest and I can hear his heart beating fast.

When I feel better, I get up.

" I must have eaten something bad. " I lie, giggling nervously. He smiles at me.

" Yeah, you should be more careful." He bought it. I'm so glad he did. "Look, Haley, I need your help." He says.

" Yeah, of course you do." I mumble under my breathe. That's the Nathan I know. The arrogant, always wanting something back, crazy for sex, play boy, I know and hate. " Spill it." I demand.

" Bossy. I like it." I roll my eyes for him to know I'm not one of his games because I'm not any of his barbie-sluts. I glare at him warning him I'm not up for games. " Look my grades are really bad and I heard you are a tutor. Please?" He asks.

" NO way. You and Lucas aren't friends, you are such a morron to MY _best friend _and you want _my _help. Gosh, you're even dumber than I thought initially."

" Yeah, I'm dumb, that's the problem, duh!"

" I didn't mean it like that!" I scream and my throath burns. I swallow and he notices my discomfort.

" Look, are you sure you are okay?" He asks. " I've heard about eating disord-"

" I DO NOT HAVE AN EATING DISORDER!" I shout. The room is silent now.

" Okay." And that's it. An okay. I'm not lying. I don't have an eating disorder. I just don't like eating, want to be beautiful. That's not a disease, is it? I'll stop when I'm perfect. I'm strong enough to stop whenever I want to. I'm not some loser who can't control herself.

" I'll help you. One condition." I say.

" Whatever you want."

" You can't tell _anyone _about this that happened in here and you won't tell anyone I'm helping you, expecially Lucas. Are we clear?" I ask.

" Cristal, Haley." He avers happily. I force a smile and he goes away. I leave discreetly after that. No one notices I'm out of guys bathroom and that amazing, because my social life would be _so _over.

I try to sit next to Lucas but he and Peyton, Nathan's ex are talking and I don't want to ruin the moment.

I go home and look myself at the mirror. I take off my clothes leaving myself in the underwear and look myself. My tighs are too fat, my belly is too full, my boobs are too small and fat seems to be everywhere. I'm getting mad about it. I don't need help, though. I'll deal with this. I'll be beautiful. Then it's over. Then I'll be happy and I'll get someone to love me unconditionally. That's the fairytale, isn't it? Is it wrong me wanting that? I'll it wrong me wanting to struggle to be skinny. It's not a sin, it's a curse.

I was born to be ugly and now I'll defy faith. I don't like it anyways.

The blue on Nathan's eyes is all in my mind. He's beautiful. I shouldn't even think about it, because he's so into Peyton I'll get hurt and I never dive into love, because usually I drown myself.

I put on some tracksuit bottoms and a jumper.

I'm out of the house and prepare myself to a good run. That will make me skinnier. I want to stop the sooner possible.

I'm running for two hours, no stop. I'm out the town with all this running and I didn't even get a call from my parents, or even from Luke, my best friend. How doesn't he realize?

I'm tired and I sit under a tree. God, I don't even know where I am and I don't have anyone to call. All this for notice, and now I realized I don't want them to be aware of this. I'll be a chagrin to all of them. I want to do whatever I need to be pretty. Sometimes I wish I had a warrior, a prince, to come save me from the darkness. All the princesses just want to be rescued. That's why I'm the monster.

Nathan passes through me on his car and I hope he hasn't see me. I don't need him. I don't need anyone. I just want to break the mirror that made me feel this way. I just want to see it go away.

I don't need to eat. If other girls could get thin this way, why shouldn't I get?

When I behold Nathan Scott standing in front of me I sigh. What the hell is he doing? He loves Peyton and I think I'm starting to like him. Maybe because I never had no one holding me like that after an episode. He is the closest I have of a knight errant on the kingdom.

" What are you doing?" He asks, bitterly.

" Hum, exercise?"

" What about the 'I don't have an eating disorder' thing?" He asks. I roll my eyes to the boy standing in front of me.

" I don't!" I state.

" It doesn't seem like it, Haley!" He screams. " You can't do that."

" I do whatever I please. And I'm just exercising because I'm healthy. I don't have nothing similar to an eating disorder, ok?"

" No, Haley, it's not okay." He says simply.

" It is." I'm trying not to cry. I don't have an eating disorder. However, I feel so bad I want to die. Then I remember something I read on the internet.

I ask him if he has a pencil-sharpener and he confused goes to his bag and gives it to me. I say thanks and put it on my pocket. He probably thinks I'm weird and crazy. But he doesn't go away. Perhaps he feels curious. That's it. He can't care abou- _DON'T EVEN THINK OF IT, DON'T YOU DARE, HALEY JAMES! No one loves you_.

I look down and he just shakes his head. " I don't want to see you _ever _running here again. You don't need nothing more than cheerleading and gymnastics." How does he know about my activities? I never told him. Yes, I'm popular but he is so much more.

" You can't frobit me from jogging." I say, trying to suppress my tears.

" No, I can't. I'll be running with you. When you want to, just knock on my door and I'll make sure you don't push yourself." I nod, of course I'm lying though.

I'm going to be beautiful, either he likes it, or not.


	2. Chapter 2

**Savior**

**Chapter 2**

_New Year, new life, they use to say. Usually I wish my year to be better than the year before, and it only gets worse. I didn't know growing up was like this, like if you have dead butterflies on your stomach and acid down your throath. And the silence becomes worse. And life becomes worse. So, this year, I did not wish nothing. Nothing is as bad as a disappointement._

" Happy New Year!" Everyone at my house is shouting and laughing and being happy and eating shrimps and drinking champagne, but I'm 'too young for that kind of thing', so this is boring.

Only a reminder that I have to survive another year feeling like this. Unworthy.

" Happy new year." I mutter. They don't realize the sarcasm and say lots of 'thank you, Haley' to me and I wonder if I'm that invisible.

Lucas forgot to call me this year. He broke the tradiction, the ritual. And that hurt because I thought he would remember. I thought he would be at my house apologizing and saying 'my phone died' but it didn't happen. He was obviously with Peyton Sawyer. Gosh, I hate her. I hate her. I HATE HER. Who am I kidding? I don't hate her...

I didn't eat a thing and no one looked at me. I'm such a wallflower. I ran upstairs and open my laptop on my tumblr. One post takes all my attention. it says: " _And the girl who used to be always hungry suddently lost her appetite._" I thought about it and sighed. I didn't want to be like that.

I don't want to be like that. The stupid silly girl who can't stop.

But I can't stop, that's the problem.

I remember Nathan. I miss him and that's weird, because I'm now crying. When did I become such a flower? I get out from the window and when I notice I'm knocking at his door. This is crazy, he's with his parents.

Dan Scott opens the door and lookes at me confused. " Who are you and what are you doin' here?"

" Hum, hi, I'm Haley. Haley James."

" Yeah? I don't fucking care. Go away." He spats venomously. I flinch because I'm scared of him and I'm so fragile.

" I-I really need to talk to Nathan." I ask.

" He's not available. He will be dating Peyton again soon. She's prettier than you, richer than you and more talented than you." His words cut deep my soul and I swallow.

" Dad? Who's that?"

" Telemarking. So wicked." He snapped and smirked at me. Nathan, however, looked at me, and his look softened.

" Let her in." He says. His father shruged and reluctantly came out of the way. I ran to Nathan and hugged him so close I think he would die without enough air,

" What is wrong, Haley?" He asked, and he seemed concerned, but that's just an illusion, because I'm not the kind of girl who get Nathan Scott, the popular, basketball player, playboy, Nathan Scott.

" N-Nothing." I lied. The problem is: I'm awful at the all lying thing and I'm usually busted. This time was no different.

" Don't lie to me. What other reason would you come here, from all the places. Don't you have Lucas, your bff, or something?" He asked. _Lucas. _The thought of him hurted me because he chose Peyton over the tradiction. I chose not to answer and jhe gets the tip and leaves that alone.

" I didn't have nowhere else to go." I admited. It was true, though. I'm not popular, or have any other friends not counting on Luke.

He sighed and put me on his hold once again. I started sobbing and he kisses my hair. Ok, that was sweet, I admit.

" Come with me." He said, and took my hand. He guided me to the margin of a river and we sat there, rain falling into our heads. He put his arm on my shoulder and I creeped nearer him. He smiled at me and it was the most beautiful picture ever.

" Are you hungry?" He asked.

" No." I lied. I'm hungry I just don't know how to eat anymore. He smiled (not smirked, just smiled) and shook his head, forcing me gently to get up by my wrist. I flinched in pain. He rolled up my sleeve and saw the cuts I did last night when I was pretty vulnerable.

" What the hell, Haley?" He asked, his voice filled with anger.

I looked down because his face was too much to take.

" Do you want to kill yourself?" I didn't answer once again. " Answer me, dammit." He was mad, but I was too ashamed to talk. He sighed. " Haley, what made you feel this way?"

This time my eyes met his.

" Everything." I whispered. He shook his head.

" Like what?" He asked. " You are beautiful, smart and talented. You don't need to think, you just are. You have a gorgeous smile but you barely show it. You are drowning alone, because you choose it."

" I don't have any friends. I mean, _real _friends." I stated. " And I'm anything but beautiful. Look at me! I'm _fat_. My belly is too big, my tighs are too fat, and my hips are too wide." He seemed angry when I said this.

" God, Haley! You are _not _fat! You are perfect, and so is your body. And everyone sees it, besides you!" I shook my head and swallowed hard.

" When people are sad, they eat chocolate, see soup-operas, find a new hobby... they don't hurt themselves just to feel better, because they think the physical pain is better than the emotional one."

He was right, of course he was, he was Nathan damn Scott.

" I'm sorry." I muttured.

" I'm glad you are." He commented sarcastically and I glared him.

" Ok, maybe I am not sorry but that isn't _my _fault!"

" Come, let's gonna eat something." He offered. I was about to decline when he cut me off " You are going to eat, either you like it or not."

" Ok." I conceded. I was going to purge it, so whatever. He smiled and kissed my cheek, making me blush. _Damn what is wrong with you Haley James?_

He took me to a big restaurant and ordered some things for himself.

" So, Haley, what do you want to eat?" He asked.

" Hum, a water?" He rolled his eyes and shook his head.

" She will have some fries, rice and meat. Oh, and make sure you bring fruit afterwards." My heart nearly stopped. Fries plus RICE plus MEAT? That is too much fat for me to take.

But the waitress was gone when my thought stopped and Nathan was smirking victourious. The radio started playing "_Kiss me_" by Ed Sheeran and I blushed, because I would love a kiss from Nathan. He seemed to see the colour of my cheeks changing and he took my hand in his bigger one. My heart wouldn't stop pounding.

**_Settle down with me_**

**_Cover me up_**

**_Cuddle me in_**

**_Lie down with me_**

**_Hold me in your arms_**

**_And your heart's against my chest_**

**_your lips pressed to my neck  
_**

**_I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet  
_**

**_And with a feeling I'll forget_**

**_ I'm in love now_**

I've never been in love. Boys weren't exactly my first concern, so... Nathan, however, was different and made me feel sick but in a good way.

Finally my phone rang and I hurried to answer. _Lucas._

" Hey, Luke, wazzup?" I asked, casual as always. Nathan frowned but I only smiled at him.

"_ Hum, hey, look, Hales, are you alright_?" He asked, concerned. I rolled my eyes.

" I'm fine, why?" I lied and Nathan took my hand once again and kissed it, making me supress a laugh.

" It's just I've been kinda distant and I heard you're not spending the new year with your family." _Of course you heard, but not from me, like it should have been_."

" Yeah, but I wasn't in the mood so I came for a walk." I lied once again. I'm an horrible friend. Who lies like this to her _best friend_?

" _Look, I'm concerned. You seem so unhappy." _I smiled at the sweet words. Someone else noticed.

" Yeah, I've been having problems with one of my classes, but now it is all fine! Don't worry, Luke! So... how's Peyton?" I shut up immidiately when Nathan's eyes widened.

" _She's perfect. She's amazing, you need to know her better, you'll like her._" He seemed happy. Good.

" Yeah, maybe. I'm happy for you Lucas. Look, gotta go, bye!" I hung up and sighed. No one would ever say about me what Lucas said about Peyton. But it's normal. Peyton is perfect. She has blonde perfect curles, the perfect weight and body, the perfect smile and the blue eyes impossible not to stare at. She's funny, artistic, cheerleader. She is _beautiful. _

" What did you mean about Peyton and Lucas?" He asked, bitterly. I swallowed and looked away.

" Nothing much, why don't _you _ask Peyton?" I asked.

" Because I want her to know what a awesome guy I am and to want me again." He smirked. _What a player! _I thought. God, I hate Peyton, so damn much.

" You're awful." I commented. He looked at me.

" Why is that?"

" Because you are. You want a girl that you don't even love back, you want to kick your brother's-and _my _best friend's- ass, you are a player, you are cocky, and you don't care about a thing. You aren't capable of love and you aren't genuine." I said, simply.

" Anything more?" He looked annoyed. I smirked.

" No, that's pretty much everything." He let out a dry laugh.

" I'm not the one that has an obsession to be "perfect", probably never had a boyfriend, cuts herself, fakes smiles, lies to her best friend, and is insecure enough to just want to be loved." His words cut me deep and the orders arrived finally.

That was too much food.

I was feeling sick just looking at it. Tears were up into my eyes when I saw Nathan's speaking again. But I couldn't hear him. What was he saying?

After I calmed down I just heard him saying 'Eat.'

I wanted to prove him he was wrong, I didn't need to hurt myself to feel alive. But that... that would be a lie. I cut the food in very small pieces and brought a fry to my mouth, I chewed it long and he was eating too, but with no problems in it.

When I finished a quart of my plate I got up.

" I'm full." I whispered. He shook his head.

" Eat till half." He demanded. I knew he wouldn't have this for discussion so I forced the fork into my mouth. My mind wouldn't stop. _You're so fat. Those calories are going to make you a whale. You'll never be able to loose that weight. No one loves you. You're not skinny enough. You need to go into that bathroom right now. Fat ugly bitch, purge that right now. _

I was begging it to STOP. It wouldn't. I touched my belly and saw it was getting bigger. It seemed at least. I couldn't do this. I got up and ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I could hear the voice saying me to 'do it'. And I couldn't stop her. I needed to obey.

" HALEY OPEN THE DOOR!" He screamed, knocking with full force.

" Leave me alone." I said, angry at him, at the world, and speacially at myself.

" Haley." He warned.

I kneed in front of the toilet and started the ritual I'd learned throught the past year. I was getting weaker, but I was getting skinnier too, wasn't I?

When I purged the dinner I heard the door being broken and Nathan rushing over me and taking me in his embrace. He pulled the water and sat against the floor with me. He got one paper and cleaned my mouth. I started closing my eyes. I was tired.

He kissed my head.

" Where do you wanna go?"

" Don't take me home." I cried a bit. He nodded and got up with a sleeping Haley James in his arms.

And then I sank into the darkest dreamless sleep.

* * *

**I'm sorry I just reviewed today, really.**

**I've been having a complicated month.**

**So, could you please drop a review? Thank you all xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Savior**

**Chapter 3**

_And everytime I wake up, I look at the mirror and say 'today you won't need to try to be skinnier' or 'today will be a nice day' but it never is, because then I look at myself and run into the bathroom crying, shocked about my body. I put myself on a scale and see I'm not enough not yet, and I forget all the promises I made to myself._

I opened my eyes and saw an unknown scenario. I'm a huge room, a comfortable bed and alone. I got up and wondered if this is a dream. then, my stomach starts growling and I immediately know it wasn't.

I heard someone snoring and looked down the bed, catching a sleeping Nathan Scott right there. He looks like an angel sleeping.

I tried not to make a sound and when my feet touch the ground, I almost fell because my legs are weak. I supported myself in the bed and the lamp falls. It scared me so much I started crying and fall down on the floor curled into a ball. Nathan woke up and looked at me worriedly. He hurried next to me and took my hands off my face. I looked into his eyes and I calmed down.

" I'm sorry." I whisper. He looked at the broken lamp and smiled, nodding.

" It's okay, it's just a lamp, Haley." He assured me, kissing my cheek. " Good morning, by the way."

" I don't think it will be a good morning. My parents must be mad at me for leaving, or worse, they didn't even notice." I said with a hoarse voice.

" Of course they noticed, Haley." He tried to convince me but I knew that was a lie. They didn't even _call. _I was out the whole night, for god's sake.

" Whatever." I muttured.

" Hey, you need to eat something, alright?" I nodded. I wanted to get better.

" Will you be mad?" I asked, in the way to the kitchen.

" About what?"

" If I can't keep it down, will you be mad at me?" He seemed to think about it for a second.

" Maybe." Was his final answer. I nodded once again and I sat down in the expensive chair. He cooked some eggs with bread and orange juice and shared it on the two plates. He started eating and I did the same, while watching him.

" That's creepy, Haley" He said. I arched my brow.

" What?"

" You staring." How the hell? He didn't even took his eyes of the plate.

" I'm not!" I laughed.

" Yes you are!" He smiled, finally looking at me. He didn't say any more. I blushed, I hate when people look at me like that.

" You are blushing!" He said. I looked at him and I showed him my tongue playfully.

" No, I'm not." I lied.

" Yeah, whatever the princess says." When I looked at the plate I realized I hate it all. Tears are up on my eyes.

" You are beautiful." He said, realizing my expression. I smile sweetly. That warms up my heart.

" Thank you." I whispered, because he makes me feel that way. " Although I don't like you and I don't like your opinion." He laughed and I smirked.

I got up and took his hand. He laughed and we got out of the house before his parents could see me. His father is a horrible person and I _hate _that man. His mom is... weird.

* * *

After an hour of walk he leans in and kisses my lips. I of course kiss back. After the kiss I look at him deeply.

" Wow." I said.

" Yeah... I'm sorry." His words hurt deep into my soul. Why is he sorry? Maybe I don't kiss well? Maybe he loves Peyton? Maybe I'm not pretty enough. A tear traced my features and his face was filled with panick. " Oh, that wasn't what I meant! It was perfect. I'm sorry because I didn't know if you wanted to, don't cry." He bent down again and kissed me once again.

It was perfect and the rest of the world was gone.

**_I don't ever want to let you down_**  
**_I don't ever want to leave this town_**  
**_'Cause after all_**  
**_This city never sleeps at night_**

**_It's time to begin, isn't it, I get a little bit_**  
**_Bigger, but then, I'll admit_**  
**_I'm just the same as I was_**  
**_Now, don't you understand_**  
**_That I'm never changing who I am_**

**_So this is where you fell_**  
**_And I am left to sell_**  
**_The path to heaven runs through miles_**  
**_Of clouded hell_**

**_Right to the top_**  
**_Don't look back_**  
**_Turning to rags and giving the commodities_**  
**_A rain-check_**

**_I don't ever want to let you down_**  
**_I don't ever want to leave this town_**  
**_'Cause after all_**  
**_This city never sleeps at night_**

**_ -_Imagine Dragons**

After the second kiss we sat on some rocks and my head was laid on his chest. He kissed my head.

" What does this make us?" I asked.

" I don't know." He admitted. I sighed.

" I don't want you to have to take care of me, Nathan." I said, and it was the truth. I wasn't okay, I probably would never be okay.

" I'm scared of waking up one day and you'll be gone because of it. And I can't stop it." He said, looking to his hands.

" I want to die. Everytime I do it, I want it to make me die." I know it hurt him, but he needs to know the truth, he deserves to know it.

" Then why do you do it?"

" Because then I'll be enough."

" You ARE ENOUGH!" He screamed. My eyes widened because he seemed to be freaking out. I laid down and he sighed. " You just can't understand it."

" That's why you like Peyton?" He swallowed hard.

" Haley..."

" Don't." I said, getting up. " I'm not one of your fucking little games! You can't do that! You can't pretend to like me just to get in bed with me! I'm not like that! I'll never be like that! I'm not Peyton!" I screamed. My heart was falling to pieces saying all this but I needed to get it all out. " I can't be who you want me to be. I can't be one of those perfect skinny bitches! Not without this! Not without purging everything I eat. Not without starving myself!"

He frowned.

" I can't, I can't, I CAN'T!" I shouted and covered my ears, curling into a ball, rocking back and forth. He waited for me to calm down and then I stopped screaming, crying or moving. Then he took my hand in his and told me it was going to be 'ok'.

I didn't buy it, not in a million years, not even when sun gets cold but I nodded.

" Well, I gotta go home." I whispered.

He nodded and smiled, taking my hand in his and we both getting up and walking home.

When I was about to come in he pushed me to him and captured my lips with his. And the world dissapeared once again.

* * *

When I entered home I felt butterflies, the good tipe.

" I'm home!" I shouted.

" Oh, did you leave?" My dad asked me. My heart fell on the floor. _Seriously? _

" Oh, I went for a run in the morning." I lied.

" Oh, you were kinda needing it." Taylor commented. I looked at her in doubt.

" What do you mean, Tay?"

" I mean you are getting fat! Look at us, all _this _skinny and you like _that_! Come on, don't you feel ashamed of yourself?" _Of course I feel ashamed, you bitch!_

" No, I don't feel ashamed at all. I may be fat but you're a slut! You've slept with half the world and probably lost your virginity at 10 years old!"

" Well, you say you don't want to have sex till marriage, then you'll die virgin."

" Why?"

" Because you are so ugly and fat that no one will _ever _want you! Don't you get it? I'm the pretty one! You're the ugly one! Simple like that!"

_You are so ugly and fat that no one will ever want you_

_You are getting fat_

_You'll die a virgin._

I ran upstairs and locked myself in the room, sobbing. I didn't deserve someone like Nathan, beautiful. I deserved to die alone. I wanted to die and that was it.

I took the blade on my hand and pressed it against my left wrist, making a cut, not too deep.

I want to die but I'm too coward to suicide. I'm ridiculous.

I cut my arms and belly till I was covered in scars of different dimensions, all bleeding. The blood was covering the floor so I hurried into the shower.

After a good calm bath, I cleaned the blood in the room and hid the blade. I changed my clothing and climbed to the roof. End it all was an option. A choise. But I needed to be brave. And perfect people are brave.

I called Nathan from the roof, I was already at the tip.

" Hello?" He answered after a few _bbiiip biiipp biiippp._

" N-Nathan?" I cried.

" What is wrong?" His voice was suddently covered in worry.

" I'm so sorry."

" Haley, you are scaring me, what is wrong?" He asked once again.

And his voice was too much to bear. I hang up and was about to jump when...

" HALEY!" Someone screamed. It was Nathan. He had climbed the window and was picking me up. I didn't have much time, so I immediately jumped. He was able to grab my arm so I was suspended on the sky, with Nathan's grasp on my arm. He pushed me up till my whole body was lying on the cold tiles.

" Oh my God! Are you fucking out of your mind?!" He asked, shocked. I cried.

" I'm sorry! I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry." He held me a bit longer until he pushed us both inside of the room.

" You were about to _kill _yourself!" Tears were falling from his eyes and my blood went cold when I realized I caused his pain. Nathan never cried, he told me that rule once. I hugged him and his squeeze was so tight I felt safe, although the scars were giving me a bit of pain. Oh, the scars, I needed to tell him.

" I'm sorry." I said, taking off my clothes. His eyes grew bigger until he realized the scars all over my body, front and back. Then, he traced all the scars with his fingers, making me shiver at the intimate touch.

" When did you do this?" He asked.

" A while ago, before I decided to jump off the roof." I informed, laughing coldly about myself.

" I wouldn't know how to live without you." He confessed. His words were said in such a sweet, honest tone, I started crying.

" Do you need me?" I asked. Because I am worthless.

" I do." He admitted. I smiled and leaned to kiss his lips. He kissed me back eagerly and the passion hit the kiss like a hurricane.

" This means we're good?" I asked.

" No, you are not good." He told me gently, but his face telling he was not kidding.

" I want to, though." I said, and it was true, I wanted to get better, but I didn't know how to. I wanted to be perfect, skinny and beautiful. And I knew I wouldn't stop until I reached that. But Nathan didn't need to know that.

" What made you feel this way?" He asked.

" My older sister, Taylor, wouldn't stop saying I was ugly and fat and that I would never have sex and no one would ever want me."

" Wait, you're a virgin?" He asked.

" Yes, do you have a problem with it?"

" No, I think it is amazing. I never met a virgin girl. I was surprised how you, the most beautiful cheerleader/person in that crazy school, never had sex." He said and I smirked.

" Are you trying to have a shot?" I asked. He laughed.

" May-be." He sang. I faked a cough that left my body as 'No way in hell'. He kissed my lips once again and told me to get dressed and not to torture him anymore. I complied and kissed his cheek.

" Could you spend the night with me?" I asked, shyly.

" You mean, on the floor?"

" I mean, on the bed." He laughed. " What?"

" You are serious!"

" Yes!" I said, throwing a pillow at him. Then I sat in the bed. " I feel safe with you. I feet pretty with you..." He smiled at my blush and kissed my head.

" Okay." He granted. " But you have to promise to never leave me."

" I promise."

" Don't try to kill yourself."

" You are my reason to live for." He looked at me, his eyes filled with love and catched my lips, locking them with his. This was the most intense of our kisses.

Then we went to sleep and I hoped me and Nathan would be together forever.

" Will you love me forever?" I asked.

" Always and forever."


	4. Chapter 4

_**First of all, thanks for all the reviews, keep it that way. Second of all, thanks to all that followed or favourited.**_

_**Third of all thanks to one anonimous that cared about me and did such a cute review. Thank you so much.**_

_**You're all amazing, guys!**_

**Savior**

**Chapter 4**

_ No more complicated theories when you fall in love. Because there isn't an explanation or a reason for you falling for the guy that yu thought you'd never fall for. Hate is just a phase of love. Love is just a phase of hate. It's confusing, missunderstood, but you never know who you really hate and who you really love. _

I woke up with Nathan's arm curled around my waist. I cuddled deeper in his arms and turned around, kissing his nose, then his cheek, then his earlobe. He started giggling.

" Morning." I said.

" Morning, Hales." I smiled at the nickname and kissed his lips. " Are you okay today?" He asked.

" Yes,altough I'm a bit hungry." He nodded.

" Let's get up then. Your parents don't mind if I go downstairs with you?" Oh, my parents, for the first time I hadn't thought about them. Then I wondered what would Taylor say seeing me with a hot boy.

" They don't care." I mumbled, coldly. He took my hand and squeezed it a tiny bit. I smiled and led him downstairs. Luckily, or not, mom and dad were gone so it was just me, Taylor and Quinn.

" Morning, bitch." Taylor said, entering the kitchen. Then she saw Nathan Scott and her eyes widened. " So... my virgin little sister had a boy on his room after an argument with me? Interesting..."

I rolled my eyes at her slutty answer. " Not everyone is a big whore like you, Tay." Taylor smirked.

" At least they have something to talk about after being with me in bed. Or not in bed, I don't really care." Nathan swallowed when Taylor took off her shirt. I looked at him and he quickly took off his eyes, and I put myself in my toes, kissing him lightly. He kissed back and kissed my cheek.

" Even with all your clothes on, you're way hotter than your sister." He whispered in my ear. I giggled, and a blush creeped my cheeks. " Plus, you look cute when you blush." I bit my bottom lip hard and turned myself to my stupid, dumb sister.

" Well, Taylor, you're even sluttier than I thought. You see me happy with someone and you just can't wait to turn all the attention into you. "

" Well, when your ex slept with me while dating you, that were totally in love, he didn't agree with you." I blinked away the tears. My ex. _Damien_. I hate that guy. Since then, me and Taylor never really got along. I slapped her.

" Don't you _dare _to bring that back, bitch." I roared. She caressed her own cheek and smiled.

" What-ever. It's a matter of time till this beautiful guy wants me too."

" Yeah, keep on dreaming." Nathan told her and hugged me from behind. " Haley is more beautiful than you, Taylor. Sorry." I laughed and she showed us the finger.

" You are not that hot anyways. Your brother is better. Lucas Scott?" Nathan groaned in anger.

" He is not my brother, ok?" He screamed, and a shiver passed through Taylor's body. I took his hand and kissed it lightly, making him smile.

" That's gross." She informed, but neither me or Nathan really cared about her presence. I was over it. " Haley, what are those?" Taylor asked, pointing and some scars that showed from my wrist. I looked away.

" None of your business."

" I'm your older sister, it is my business, or do you want me to tell 'mommy' and 'daddy'?" I trembled at the thought.

" I cut myself accidentally with paper. When I was doing a school work. Nate helped me to dry the blood because I was helping him." Fortunatly, Taylor bought it and left.

" Gosh, I _hate _that bitch!" I groaned in frustration._  
_

" Baby, she's your sister." I laughed. " What?" He asked. He looked so cute confused.

" You called me baby!" I remembered him and he smiled.

" Did I do wrong?" He asked, and although it was followed by a laugh, I could say he felt insecure, so I kissed his lips and whispered next to his ear 'you did very very good.'

" You drive me crazy." He commented and I kissed his cheek.

" Good."

I took his hand and let him down the street, laughs and chat filling our way.

When I leaned and kissed his lips I heard a voice.

" Haley, what the _fuck _are you doing?"

Crap, think of something.

" Kissing Nathan?" I said, dumbly.

" He's the worst person you could kiss! Don't tell me you slept with him, just for him to 'love' you!" Lucas screamed and Nathan pushed him lightly.

" Hey, man, I would shut up if I were you." But the damage was done, I was crying. Nathan pulled me to his chest and held me.

" You are an horrible person, Haley! You betrayed me in the worst way possible." Lucas told me. " This friendship is over." I look at him in horror. He's my best friend! He can't end up our friendship!

" What are you saying?" I ask, shakily.

" It's either me or Nathan. Make the choise." An ultimatum? This isn't Lucas! This is ALL Peyton's fault!

" I don't like Peyton and you won't break it up!" I scream. The world is suddenly gone. I can't hear anyone, see anyone. " I was falling apart and you didn't even notice! He noticed! Nathan noticed! And then, I fell in love with him, because I wasn't invisible anymore. I cried until I fell asleep and you didn't even notice! You didn't notice!" I cried is dispair, letting myself fall to my knees, and hugging them, closing my eyes tighly. " You didn't notice..."

Nathan kneed next to me and puts me over his lap. " Look what you did!" He shouted at Lucas, which lowered himself to my level too.

Tears were falling freely.

I lost my best friend.

I lost him forever.

* * *

_Step one you say 'We need to talk'_

_He walks you say 'sit down it's just a talk'_

_He smiles politely back at you. _

_You stare politely, right on through_

_Some sort of window to your right_

_As he goes left and you stand right_

_Between the lines of fear and blame_

_You begin to wonder why you came._

_Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend._

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night?_

_Had I known how to save a life._

Lucas listens to the song quietly after reaching home. Someone knocks. Brooke Davis. That girl is persistent, no matter how many times she's rejected.

" What do you want, Brooke?" He asks bitterly. Brooke in taken aback by his rough voice.

" Hum, to say 'hi'?" She says and smiles. He, however, rolls his eyes and ignores her for complete. Brooke can't be real hurt by that! She's Brooke Davis.

" You just said hi, now you can leave."

" What the hell is wrong with _you_?" She asks, loosing it. She really likes Lucas, maybe if he loved her back...

" I could ask the same! I'm not interested in you!" He screams. When he looks at the tears on the brunette's eyes he regrets it, but he can't take it back now.

" Why? Because of Peyton?"

" Exactly."

" She told me she is not interested in boyfriends right now."

" Well, she told me the exact oposite." Lucas informs calmly at the Queen Bee. Brooke looks at him in doubt. Her best friend wouldn't do that to her. Not in a million years.

" She wouldn't do that to me." Brooke tries to convince both of them.

" This isn't about _you_!" Brooke sighs in frustration at his answer.

" It's never about me! It's never about _my _happiness, or me being _loved_. It's ALWAYS about _Peyton_! Poor Peyton, her life is bad, poor Peyton she lives alone, poor Peyton she has the most handsome guys in school around her little finger. Poor Peyton this, poor Peyton that and blah blah blah! You never talk about _me_! For you, I'm just a worthless girl with no life besides popularity! My parents are _never _around. My mum wants me to be perfect and I can't! My best friend is betraying me _behind_ my back! I have no real friends and _never _felt so ALONE in my whole life!" She cries and I feel bad for being listening to the conversation.

" Brooke!" He shouts. " I don't know what do say to reject you anymore. I'm sorry but I don't love you."

" Why, because I'm not perfect enough?" She asks and makes me remind myself.

" It isn't like that!"

" OF COURSE IT IS!" She yells and tears are now flowing freely. " I loved you and you didn't even give me one chance!"

" You didn't love me!"

" How can you know that!"

" We have nothing in common, Brooke." He said a bit more gently. " I love reading and art, and you love shopping and cheerleading and girly stuff. Peyton and I are soulmates. She is an artist, she frees herself in painting and she loves literature and music, just like me. She hates being so popular and never gave up cheerleading because of you." I know Lucas doesn't want to hurt Brooke, but he is and I can tell from Brooke's lack of expression, like the life was sucked from her.

" Love isn't about being souldmates. It is about the differences, the imperfections. Love is accept the other and let the other complete us. Love is love every single fault the other may commit. Love is not racional, can't be written or explained. Love is just love."

After Brooke's phrase I realized I love Nathan.

Lucas is speechless at Brooke's words.

" Look, I am who I am, no explanations, no questions asked. I'm Brooke Davis, I'm the captain of the cheerleader and I don't fear to say what I think." She cries. " And you love _her. _You ALL love her! And what about me?"

Brooke lets herself fall on the floor and Lucas panicks.

" Brooke, please..." He reaches to touch her arm, but is shooed rudly.

" Don't touch me!" She exclaims. She doesn't scream, she just exclaims. She rests her head against the cold floor. Tears are falling from my eyes now. I'm not the only one suffering. I'm not the only one that exists and wants to be loved. Brooke Davis is the proove of that.

I ran there and Lucas glares at me.

" What the hell are you doing here at this time, Hales?"

" You've done enough, Lucas!" I helped Brooke getting up. " Look, if you want spend the night over my house so you won't be alone."

" Don't worry about me. I'm ok." She says.

" Do not lie. You are not ok. You are breaking and the soonest you learn that the soonest you can fix it."

" Thank you." She said quietly.

" No, thank you because you made me realized I'm in love with Nathan Scott." She smiles.

" I'm happy for you."

" yeah, me too." I admited and glanced at the disappointed look on Lucas' face.

" Leave." He said.

" What?" Both me and Brooke asked in unison.

" Both of you. Leave this house in this moment and go to Nathan's or whatever. I don't want either of you here. And I surely don't want Nathan's name here neither. Never again."

" He isn't a bad person!" I yelled in my 'best friend' face.

" YES HE IS! JUST ADMIT IT HALEY!" He screamed. I slapped him.

" Don't you dare to ever talk about him again. He's a better man than you'll ever be, Lucas." I snapped. His eyes narrowed.

" LEAVE!"

" FINE!" I took Brooke's hand and we headed home. When I opened the door, I find Nate fast asleep on a chair. I got there and shook him slightly.

" Babe?" I asked. He opened his blue eyes and let out a yawn. I kissed his lips and he gently kissed back.

" I love you." I said, finally. His eyes grew confused.

" What?"

" I-I love you." I said, scared. He smiled and kissed my lips in a _very _passionated kiss.

" Gosh, I love you too. I know it's soon but I'm sure. I love you, I love your smile, the way your eyes shine when you say something really smart, even when you cry you are gorgeous." He confessed and I kissed him.

" I love you. it feels so real, so good." Someone faked cough and I looked at Brooke and blushed.

" Hm, sorry, Brooke..." I trailed. She just shook her head and faked a smile and I knew it because I did it daily.

Brooke headed herself to one spare bedroom of Nathan's empty house (his parents got in vacation and won't come back for a week, which means, me and Nate have the huge house to ourselves, and now, Brooke) and closed the door.

I sat next to Nathan and burried my head on his shirt, trying not to cry.

" Are you ok?" I hug him.

" I am now." I kissed his cheek.

" I won't let Lucas ever tell you something that mean again."

" Why doesn't he accept me anyway? Why am I not enough of a best friend?"

" You are the best friend anyone can ask for. By the way, what is Brooke Davis doing here? I thought you two weren't friends..."

" She and I have more in common than I thought. You don't mind? She is falling apart too and has no one for her like I have you. "

" I'll love you to have a new girl-friend. We'll both be her friends." He said.

" God, I love you. I'll never get sick of saying this. " He smirked.

" I'm irresistable." I laughed and punched him lightly on the shoulder, and he kissed the side of my neck and trailed kisses through my face. From the forehead, to the eyelashes, to the nose, to the cheeks, to the mouth. I opened my mouth alowing his tongue to meet mine.

After long moments of making out, I finally kiss him lightly and tell him "I'll sleep with Brooke tonight". He nodded and kissed my cheek.

" Good night, love."

* * *

I lied on the bed next to Brooke on the bed and heard her crying lowly.

" Are you all right?"

" Y-yeah, I'm fine." I got up from my bed and put myself under Brooke's covers, hugging her.

" It'll be okay. "

" I hope to find my Nathan."

" Maybe Lucas is him."

" Can I tell you a secret?"

" Sure, darling."

" I want to be your friend."

" May I tell you a secret too?"

" Yeah..."

" I want to be your friend too." She smiled in the darkness and hugged me back. " I-I have an eating disorder." I admitted. She nodded.

" It's okay. I'll be with you through it, promise. You were really brave with Luke."

" Yeah."

" I'm on team NALEY!" She laughed and I laughed along. "Seriously, you deserve all the happiness you can get."

" Thank you."

" I've cut myself for years now." Brooke confessed. I looked at her in confusion and then realization hit me. The why she had always bracelets around her wrists and some scars all over the inside of her tighs on the practise.

" I'll help you through it. I've cut myself too. But only twice and once it was in lots of places, although they were all superficial." I explained. " Tomorrow they'll be gone and I'll never do it again. Not with Nathan next to me."

" Yeah... Night, Haley."

" Goodnight, Brooke."

And a very strong friendship was born.

**So... what about a review?**

**My mom noticed I've lost weight. I dunno if I'm happy or not about it. It's good because I'm skinnier. It's bad because she talked about taking me to a doctor. :(**


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